[[1491-01-03|<< 3 Hammer 1491]] | [[1491-01-05|5 Hammer 1491 >>]] ## 4 Hammer 1491 Me, Skoll, and Nia went to see Strahd today. I suppose it didn’t go all too terribly - the three of us are still alive, at least. Still - and I feel kind of stupid to admit this - he managed to get in my head a bit. On the bright side: although I barely saw her today, Ezmerelda hasn’t been telling me to die as much. Must still feel bad about the whole shooting me with lightning thing. She even said something vaguely nice to me this morning, which almost tripped me up as much as it did Nia. Skoll made us carrot cake and hashbrowns for breakfast. I’m surprised he managed it - I was still really sore from getting the shit beat out of me yesterday, and he got it even worse than me. As usual, I had to gather Ezmerelda and Rictavio to eat. And, as usual, Skoll’s cooking was delicious. Over breakfast, I told Skoll that he might want to clean up for Ravenloft a bit. It was as much for my benefit as it was for his; I’m pretty sure the guy hasn’t showered since that first night in Barovia, which was two weeks ago now. Rictavio gave him some clothes to change into after he bathed in the lake. When he walked back in, his hair was covering his entire face - I suggested a haircut. He tried to take a kitchen knife to his hair right then, so I decided to help him out a little. It took a long time. I thought it looked good, but Skoll was very quiet about it, and I can’t help but feel like I’ve fucked up somehow. Whatever the case, Skoll looked presentable - Rictavio’s clothes were too big on him, but they were nice. Rictavio saw us off, making sure to mention his curse again. I succeeded in not rolling my eyes. On the way to Ravenloft, we stopped at the Vistani camp - Nia wanted horses. Skoll went straight for the smallest horse they had; when I commented on it, he went for the biggest, which he named Little Man. Nia, of course, picked out the one that looked like it had an exposed skull for a head. I bought a handsome horse and named him Shadow. True to Strahd’s word, we didn’t run into any trouble on our way to Ravenloft. At the gate to Vallaki, there was an empty carriage waiting for us led by two black horses. Since we had just bought mounts, we just followed the thing all the way to the castle. Ravenloft has a deep chasm around it, across which spans a rickety drawbridge. Stone gargoyles line the place, and lightning flashed on cue. It was all very spooky and dramatic. Strahd’s chamberlain - a (as we had learned from Kasimir) genocidal dusk elf named Rahadin - was waiting for us in the entryway. He led us to a huge chamber with a large table; there were four places set. At the center of the back wall was an organ - because of course there was - and Strahd was seated at it, playing his cold, lifeless heart out. When Strahd turned to us and spoke, I recognized his voice. It was the same voice we heard in the village of Barovia, in the church, when that “Martikov” showed up and asked a shit ton of questions. To think that he had been so close to Ireena made my stomach drop. Strahd had us sit down and eat. I was the only one to actually eat - I figured that, if he was going to kill us, poison wasn’t likely his style. And I was kind of hungry. The encounter was thoroughly unpleasant, but we managed to get some information out of him, mostly because he was completely willing to answer our questions. According to Strahd, he brought us to Barovia because he’s bored and wanted company. He has Vistani and werewolves note people worth meeting, and then he brings them in, and he doesn’t let them leave - because if he has to be stuck in Barovia, so does everyone else. I’m not quite sure what made him decide that I was worth meeting - when I brought it up, he said that I’ve certainly proved myself interesting while in Barovia. We’ve been busy these past couple weeks, he said - apparently, a "political revolution" does not go unnoticed. Strahd made it clear that he is playing a game. He plans to foster us until winning against us would be satisfying - he told us that we are going to struggle, and then we are going to die. Fucking weirdo. He hadn’t much to say about Barovia - only that, as a prisoner, he doesn’t really care what happens to the rats in his cell. He also said that his death would not free this land. I’m really hoping that he’s lying about that one. It took some prodding, but he eventually told us some of Tatyana. Long story short, she loved his brother and not him, and now he’s trying to “recover” what is his. I told him that it sounds like she was never his to begin with; he didn’t really respond to that. Skoll did his best to appeal to the guy, but I knew it was a lost cause. And that was even before he started digging into our minds. Strahd asked us what we wanted most in the world: Nia eventually said that she would like the ability to undo past mistakes; Skoll said that he had everything he needed before he was brought to Barovia. I wasn’t sure how to answer. If he had asked me two weeks ago, I would have said that what I wanted most was to leave the hell that is Barovia - but now, I’m not so sure. The answer seems to be running away from me more and more each day. So that’s what I told him. And that’s when he decided to dig his claws in. He asked Skoll who “Mani” is. It took him a minute, but Skoll eventually answered that Mani is a friend from his youth. When Strahd asked if he thinks of him often, Skoll answered no. And then it was Nia’s turn. Strahd asked, “What did you do to Selise?” Nia drew her rapier. I had stopped eating as soon as he had asked that initial question; my mouth felt dry. Skoll tried to talk Nia down. I’m not sure if it was Skoll's doing, but she eventually sat back down in the chair. Strahd is a bastard, and not in a fun way. He made note of the fact that we don't know much about each other's pasts, and then he nodded to Nia, saying that we don’t even know what she is. Whatever the fuck that means. By this point, I had realized that Strahd can read our thoughts to an extent. But the realization came too late. He asked me if I think of them. My fingers itched, but not for my sword - I wasn’t feeling Nia’s anger. I only felt small, and ashamed. I don’t know why I didn’t lie or just refuse to answer. Maybe I could sense that he already knew. I told him that, yes, I think of them. When he asked how often, I again told the truth: too often. But that wasn’t all he picked at; when the conversation stalled, he decided to go for the throat. He said that, while my companions were keeping things from me and each other, it seemed like I had very little to share at all. I thought about a lot of things, then. My family, my schooling, my peers, my service, my lack thereof; throughout it all, I thought of my inadequacy, my mediocrity. For what was not the first time, I felt the claustrophobic weight of my indifferent hometown. Just as it did when I was still there, it remained unmoved by my distress. Strahd let us leave without trouble. Rahadin left us in the entryway. I wanted to go back to the tower; but we were alone in the castle, and I knew that at least one of Yva's remaining fortunes pointed us there. It ended up being a good thing that I suggested investigating - we found a powerful holy symbol, which Nia kept; we also found the “man made from a man,” the ally against Strahd - a little clockwork clown by the name of Pidlwick II. He is a delightful little man. He almost made me forget the heaviness. Having retrieved our new ally, we retraced our steps - but Rahadin was in the entryway again, waiting. We managed to sneak past, though not without trouble. When we walked past him, we all heard screaming in our minds - thousands of screams, all in pain, all dying. It was unpleasant for me, but Skoll and Nia seemed to actually be in pain from it. The journey back to the tower was not as smooth as the journey to Ravenloft. We got attacked by dire wolves; not only that, but Skoll refused to fight - by the end of it, he was on the ground, sobbing, his borrowed clothes bloodied. He refused to talk afterward. I’m more than a little worried for him. Even now, from where I sit on my bed, I can see him sitting on his, staring off into the distance. I’ve never seen such a blank look on his face, and I’ve seen him trancing. I’m worried for Nia, too. I’m not about to ask her what the fuck Strahd was talking about - it’s not like I’d want her asking about my shit either. But she’s been quiet - I’d call her despondent if she didn’t seem so angry. It’s an early night for us. I doubt sleep will come easy, despite how drained I feel. Strahd will die - I know this - and we will be the ones to kill him. Strahd will die, and I will leave. But where will I go? Back to my cabin in the forest? Maybe. Certainly not back home - no one is missing me, and nothing is waiting for me, except the memory of those that I have let die in my stead. --- ## Page Tags/Properties **Tags:** #Journal **Category:** [[Journals and Writings.base|Journals and Writings]] **Character:** [[Krue d'Avenir|Krue]] **Campaign:** [[Curse of Strahd]] **Date ([[Calendar of Harptos|Harptos]]):** 01/04/1491